<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>it's hard to forget someone who gave you a lot to remember by arcturus7</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30072594">it's hard to forget someone who gave you a lot to remember</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcturus7/pseuds/arcturus7'>arcturus7</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sit with me in the dark (merthurweek2021) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Angst and Feels, Cuddling With Your Lover On His Death Bed, God Arthur, Immortal Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Merthur Week 2021, Pining Merlin (Merlin), Prompt Fill, day2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:01:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,225</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30072594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcturus7/pseuds/arcturus7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When an immortal Merlin met Arthur, he thought he'd finally found a way to keep a friend (or maybe something more) for the rest of eternity. As it turns out, fate must hate his guts, first for making him immortal and then for snatching away the only person that could physically stay. Because nothing ever was permanent, not even the Gods.<br/><span class="small"><span class="small"><span class="small">day 2: "if we make it out of here" "we will!"</span></span></span></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sit with me in the dark (merthurweek2021) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Merthur Week 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>it's hard to forget someone who gave you a lot to remember</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! More Warnings at the End if you need it!</p>
<p>DAY 2- "If we make it out of here" "We will"!</p>
<p>So. I tried writing angst. It kinda failed. I apologize deeply for making you go through this. I'm trying I swear. (I really wish finals weren't a thing students have to face)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin immediately knelt beside Arthur’s bed. He felt it, but he could not believe it. It could not be happening. It just was not <i>fair</i>. </p>
<p>	Arthur stirred as if sensing Merlin’s presence. Merlin immediately ran his fingers through his hair. Arthur leaned into his touch, smiling a little. </p>
<p>	“Hello,” Arthur mumbled. </p>
<p>	Merlin felt it then, the weakness in his voice. From the outside, it looked like Arthur was fine. He looked like he was asleep on an endless summer evening or just resting after completing a taxing task. But Merlin could hear the wariness in his voice. He could feel it now; it was no longer just a tingling sensation. Arthur was fading. </p>
<p>	“A-Arthur,” Merlin managed to choke out. Arthur cranked an eye open, frowning. He reached towards Merlin’s other hand. Merlin gladly laced their fingers together. </p>
<p>	“Don’t cry on me now, you dollophead,” Arthur said. His voice was a little rough. </p>
<p>	“Still my word,” Merlin mumbled nonetheless. Arthur squeezed his hand. </p>
<p>	“It’s going to be alright, Merls.” It was not. Merlin could barely stand Arthur on his best days, but it did not mean that he did not <i>love</i> him. And Arthur did not even know. Merlin had sworn to never let him know because of his damned <i>pride</i>. But he had never expected this. </p>
<p>	“It’s not,” Merlin shook his head. “Why is it happening now? It can’t—”</p>
<p>	“You knew it would happen one day. People lose faith. And until they regain it, I won’t be coming back.”</p>
<p>	Merlin’s eyes stung. He had so much to say, but his throat felt constricted. Like the next word out of his mouth, and he feared he would break down crying. That he would be too busy in his own grief to not comfort Arthur. </p>
<p>	It was supposed to be a gradual process. Over the millennia, over the eons. But a drastic change in belief caused the death of many Gods— not just Arthur. </p>
<p>	“Come on now, Merlin—” Arthur said. He snuggled into Merlin’s touch. Merlin began brushing his hair again. “<b>—When- <i>if</i>, I make it back—</b>”</p>
<p>	“<b>You will</b>,” Merlin cut in. A drop of tear finally trailed down his cheek. “You’ll make it back.”</p>
<p>	Arthur chuckled, a humorless laugh. “Don’t b-be stupid.”</p>
<p>	“No! You’ll make it back,” Merlin exclaimed. “You <i>will</i> come back— to me— please?”</p>
<p>	Arthur did not say anything, just raised a hand to wipe away Merlin’s stray tear. Something broke inside him then, and it all came flowing out. His head pounded, and his eyelids grew heavy, but he could not stop crying. Arthur shushed him, but it was fruitless. </p>
<p>	“You can’t leave now- you still have so much to do. W-who’s supposed to throw things at me now?” Merlin paused, choking out another sob. “All those left can’t stand me. I need to— we still have to finish-finish our prank w-wars!” Merlin blabbered on. “You’ll be back soon. Please.”</p>
<p>	“Come here,” Arthur commanded. His eyes were also glistening with tears, and it was rare for Arthur to ever cry. Merlin could count on one hand the number of times he has seen Arthur cry over the previous century. A century. Less than a century. That was the time he has spent with Arthur. </p>
<p>	Arthur shifted, making space for Merlin. Merlin did not hesitate; he just went ahead and curled up around Arthur. He rested his head against Arthur’s chest but could hear no heartbeat. Arthur’s arm curled around his shoulder, pulling him closer. </p>
<p>	Merlin sniffed, holding back more tears. Arthur’s fingers traced patterns on his shoulder, but neither spoke for a long moment. </p>
<p>	“Merlin—” Arthur whispered, his voice croaking. Merlin shifted and turned his head upwards to meet Arthur’s eye. His cheeks were wet. Merlin clung closer to him. “Merlin- if I- if I don’t come back—”</p>
<p>	Merlin opened his mouth to protest, but Arthur silenced him with a finger. </p>
<p>	“Listen to me. I don’t think I have much time.” Merlin nodded reluctantly. “If I don’t come back, I want you to k-know-” Arthur paused, his mouth working but mute. “I don’t- <i>Merlin</i>.” Arthur could not get the words out. He tilted his head, new tears glistening his eyes. And Merlin understood.</p>
<p>	It was a goodbye, but he could not bring himself to say it. Merlin felt a little glad because the last thing he wanted to hear was “goodbye.” Not from Arthur. He was under the false pretense that they’d be together forever— fighting, bantering, caring, and loving each other in their own ways. </p>
<p>	He regretted the fact that he spent the last day he had with Arthur trying to come up with a way to embarrass him. If he had known sooner, he would have done better— maybe spend more time with Arthur or finally build up the courage to confess. But no, he spent the last day he had creating a <i>fucking cult</i>. A parody one, which in no way worshiped <i>Arthur</i>, but an alter ego. Maybe that was the cause of this— if only Merlin had made a proper cult or <i>something</i>, Arthur would not be fading right now. </p>
<p>	“You’re thinking again, aren’t you? It sounds like a bunch of gibberish,” Arthur said, trying to crack a joke. Merlin appreciated it, but laughing was the last thing on his mind. Arthur slipped a hand into Merlin’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. </p>
<p>	“I’m sorry,” Merlin said. “Fuck, it’s all my fault—”</p>
<p>	“Don’t be stupid, <i>Merlin</i>, you can’t infulence outcomes.” Arthur scolded. </p>
<p>	“No, you don’t get it—”</p>
<p>	“<i>Merlin</i>, there’s no way you can influence things. If you were human, then yes.”</p>
<p>	“But I am, <i>human</i>,” Merlin protested. </p>
<p>	Arthur rolled his eyes, giving his hair a sharp tug. Merlin winced but refrained from slapping Arthur. “Yes, but you’re immortal, which means that you don’t count.”</p>
<p>	“Why?” He knew the reason, but who said it must be that way? Why could it not be enough that Merlin believed in Arthur? Why was it that his belief was excluded? He could believe hard enough to keep him alive, maybe for as long as Merlin lived, which is forever—</p>
<p>	“Well, it’s not fair for the other Gods, is it? If I had an immortal to believe in me <i>forever</i>,” Arthur pointed out.</p>
<p>	“Who said I’d choose to believe in you, prat?” Merlin lightly whacked Arthur’s chest, if only to hide his embarrassment. </p>
<p>	Arthur laughed this time, which eased Merlin’s throat a bit. It felt like he could finally breathe again, if only for a short amount of time.</p>
<p>	Merlin would never hear that laugh again for a long time, he realized. He was not sure when exactly Arthur would return, but until then, he would never hear his voice, or see his blond hair again, or listen to his endless complaints. </p>
<p>	Merlin turned away then, burying his face in Arthur’s chest so he could not see his tears again. Which was a stupid thing to do because Arthur would definitely feel the wetness of his tears now. </p>
<p>	He’d have to rely on his memory to remember Arthur. In his long, lonely life, he was used to the feeling of people leaving him behind. That was until he met Arthur, the only one who could physically stay. He was so glad for such a long time. He never had to go on without a friend, without a companion ever again. Arthur would live as long as he does, and they could be together.</p>
<p>	But it wasn’t the case. Fate must hate his guts, first for making him immortal and then for snatching away the only permanent thing in his life. It seemed like everything had to perish one day, even the Gods. But not Merlin, with his magic and his curse. His magic was useless against fate. His immortality was a curse disguised as a blessing. If there was one thing he could wish for, it would be to live a typical human life.</p>
<p>	He had to stand by and watch everyone he cared for wither and die, and now Arthur was next. He didn’t want this. Merlin didn’t want any of this. He just wanted to keep loving Arthur behind the disguise of hating him, to play their stupid games for eternity. He wanted more time with Arthur if only to keep his sanity intact. </p>
<p>	“Will it hurt?” Merlin asked. If it did, Merlin would do everything in his power to make sure it didn’t. </p>
<p>	“No, Merlin. It won’t,” Arthur answered. Merlin sighed against his chest. “The last few years were maybe the best years I’ve ever lived,” Arthur suddenly confessed.</p>
<p>	Merlin couldn’t help the warmth that spread across his chest then, a feeling akin to hope taking root. It was not hope; it was reassurance. He knew that maybe, somehow, Arthur might have reciprocated his human emotions, but it was hard to say with a God. He wasn’t sure if Arthur felt for him the same way Merlin did, but he could live knowing that he meant at least something to Arthur. </p>
<p>	“It’s been almost a century, you toad,” Merlin scolded. </p>
<p>	“Has it? It felt shorter. I wish we’d have more time,” Arthur replied. Time flows differently for Arthur. Merlin was just glad that he made a good enough impression to be remembered— to be cherished. Who knows how many immortals and humans Arthur’s come across in his long life?</p>
<p>	“Will you promise me something?” Arthur asked, his voice breaking off at the end.</p>
<p>	“Anything,” Merlin immediately answered. He couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed by his quick reply because it was <i>true</i> and there was no point in hiding it. </p>
<p>	“Just… remember me, will you? You’re going to live a long life, and you’re going to meet a lot of people, maybe even other Gods. But I just— I just hope you wouldn’t forget, if you could.”</p>
<p>	Merlin had to laugh at how absurd Arthur was being. As if Merlin could ever voluntarily forget Arthur. His memory would have to be snatched from him by some other higher-order, but even then, Merlin would find a way to remember. </p>
<p>	“If it wasn’t clear,” Merlin began, lifting his head off of Arthur’s chest so Arthur could see how sincere Merlin was. Arthur had his head turned away, a glint of hurt in his eyes. Merlin felt guilty for laughing. “I could never forget you. Never. Look at me, Arthur.”</p>
<p>	Arthur did. He still looked hesitant and even a little hurt. </p>
<p>	Merlin leaned against his elbow for support, ignoring how it began to ache.</p>
<p>	“I know it’s hard for you to understand what I feel, but…” Merlin trailed off. </p>
<p>	He knew Arthur would not understand the concept of love. It was purely a mortal concept, something created by them but knew no bounds whatsoever. It extended to all things: objects, nature, imagination, and people. For Arthur, the one thing that would come close to it was devotion. But <i>devotion</i> didn’t come close to what Merlin felt about him.</p>
<p>	“I’ll be waiting for you,” is what Merlin settled with. Merlin would spend his whole life waiting for Arthur if he asked. He would do so anyway. “I’ll wait for you as long as it takes. It doesn’t matter how long. And you’ll come back to me.”</p>
<p>	Arthur looked surprised. For a second, Merlin believed that Arthur could understand the true extent of Merlin’s love. </p>
<p>	“That might be a long time,” Arthur said. </p>
<p>	Time wasn’t even something they could agree on; a short amount of time for Arthur was a long time for Merlin. A long time for Arthur would be an eternity for Merlin.</p>
<p>	“It might be,” Merlin agreed. </p>
<p>	“I might never come back,” Arthur said.</p>
<p>	Merlin shook his head. “You will, someday.”</p>
<p>	“And you’ll wait?” Arthur asked, his eyes wide. </p>
<p>	Merlin nodded. “I’ll wait, and I’ll remember. Forever, if I have to.”</p>
<p>	“Merlin… You have no idea…” Arthur trailed off. It seemed like he was also struggling to put a name to what he felt. </p>
<p>	Arthur shook his head, his eyes welling up with tears again. Merlin found himself in a similar state. It seemed like sadness, loss, and regret were the few things they both could understand. </p>
<p>Arthur cupped his cheek with one hand, his thumb wiping away a stray tear. Merlin snuggled up against the touch, willing to imprint the feeling forever into his skin. </p>
<p>	Something changed in Arthur’s eyes then. “I’m close,” he whispered.</p>
<p>	Too soon. Too soon. It was all that Merlin could think about. Pain welled up in his chest, his tears threatening to spill over again. </p>
<p>	“Thank you, Merlin,” Arthur whispered at last. The touch on his cheek was fading away, along with everything about Arthur. Merlin desperately tried to hold on to his hand, his clothes, his skin, <i>anything</i>. His vision blurred until he had no choice but to cry if he wanted to see Arthur for one last time. </p>
<p>	The last thing that faded was the light in Arthur’s eyes, going from a brilliant blue to a dull grey. All too soon, Merlin’s hand was hovering over nothing but empty space, gripping nothing but air. </p>
<p>	All that was of Arthur would fade and join the sky, not as the stars— but as the darkness surrounding them. He would stay there in a state of dead-but-alive, in an endless slumber, until he would be needed again. </p>
<p>	And Merlin would wait for him for as long as it takes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Major Character Death, but not exactly, because said character isn't human. But death anyway. Angst without a happy ending. (fuck i hate those too). </p>
<p>Well, what a ride. It was originally longer, where the cult Merlin built gets discovered in the far future and Merlin is offered as a sacrifice for Arthur, who <i>does</i> come back, but is a little morally screwed. It was loosely based on a prompt by <a href="https://writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com/">writing prompts</a>. I don't know, maybe I'll continue in the future once I'm done with real life.</p>
<p>Anywaysss, thank you so much for putting up with this. Constructive criticism and tips are always welcome :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>